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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28201974">Missile</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProblematicPitch/pseuds/trekmemes'>trekmemes (ProblematicPitch)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek: Deep Space Nine</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Ficlet, Flash Fic, Fluff, M/M, Mistletoe, aliens exploiting earth traditions, sweet and a little salty, tfw you are a stickler for workplace safety, this is your brain on made-for-tv christmas movies</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 23:35:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>759</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28201974</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProblematicPitch/pseuds/trekmemes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Odo has heard a rumor that Quark is setting up decorations in his bar for some kind of Earth holiday.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Odo/Quark (Star Trek)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>43</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Missile</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It was midday on DS9 when Odo decided to stop by Quark's to investigate some gossip he'd overheard. Post lunchtime, the bar was always empty of customers and operated on a skeleton crew. When Odo arrived, Quark was standing on his tip-toes on the bar top trying to attach something to a thin wire affixed to the ceiling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Should I remind you that attempting to install anything in the Promenade without proper safety equipment is a violation of Public Ordinance 74 B?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Quark flinched and nearly tumbled off his perch. Odo suppressed a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"My bar, my rules."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"My Promenade, </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> rules," Odo overruled. "What are you doing?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hanging greenery," Quark said, brushing off some leaves that had accumulated on his blue suit jacket. "It's a holiday display. I'm trying to be multicultural."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>One of the Ferengi waiters, Broik, was wobbling dangerously on one of the smaller bar tables. Odo tapped him on the shoulder, and as he turned to see the Constable his face scrunched into a frown. Odo offered the waiter his hand and helped him off the furniture. The other waiter, Kaul, observed this and hopped down without needing to be told. "'Cultural' or not, you can't have your staff climbing on the tables in here," Odo said. "Why don't you have ladders?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm not going to pay any rental fees."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"And if I offered to waive the fees, just this once?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Suits me." Quark waved off his two workers, who fled to the equipment storage bay. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Odo crossed his arms and leaned back against the vacated table. "What is all this for, anyway?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's for an Earth holiday. Some kind of winter celebration."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"And the greenery is—?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, you know..."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Missile toes."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I beg your pardon?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Missile toes. Keiko helped me order some alongside a shipment of plant cuttings for her laboratory."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It sounds repulsive."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You know how humans are. Terribly debauched people."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But what are the plants for?" Odo wondered, squinting at them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Quark fidgeted with the bundle in his hands, fluffing out its leaves. "They're toxic and parasitic, which is apparently appealing."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Is one supposed to use them to poison one's enemies?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Always thinking about murder, aren't you?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Odo shrugged. "Comes with the territory."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, they aren't deadly to humans, but could probably kill a cat, so keep everyone's pets off of the Promenade if you can manage it."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'll do my best." Quark's gold sequined loafers squeaked on the smooth surface as he walked down the length of the bar. Odo scrutinized him as he followed along. "Do the plants serve a purpose?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Probably religious. I read that an ancient god was speared to death with an arrow made from a single sprig."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Fascinating." Quark nodded and returned to his work. Odo circled him, observing. "You still need to wait for that ladder."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm fine up here."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a line of red floral boutonnières laid out beside the bar. Odo picked one up and rolled it between his fingers. "These are nice." He pinned it to himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Quark glanced at him then did a double-take. "Put it back. Those are for the waiters."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Charming." Odo leaned over the bar, looking up at Quark. "What aren't you telling me?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Nothing!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Or would you rather I asked Keiko?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's a kissing bush," Quark snapped, looking down at him. "Couples that find themselves under it are supposed to kiss. Whether they're an established couple or not."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So it's an advertising ploy. Customers will drag their hapless objects of affection down here and buy a few drinks and flirt awkwardly, all for a chance to 'accidentally' find themselves under the kissing bush. Exploitative marketing </span>
  <em>
    <span>and </span>
  </em>
  <span>compulsive sexuality." Odo chuckled. "You've outdone yourself this time."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You got me."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Scheme or no scheme, you need to get down from the bar."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Quark dropped almost to eye level. "Oh?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Mm."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, this kissing bush and I say otherwise."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Odo looked up to see leaves dangling over his head. Quark stuck out his tongue and smirked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead of leaping back with a grimace, as Quark had expected, Odo quickly kissed him on the cheek. Quark almost stumbled backward off the bar, but Odo caught and stabilized him. Quark freed himself and jumped to the floor, rubbing the offended cheek and adjusting the fit of his blazer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Carry on," Odo said loftily, already across the threshold.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Quark's employees returned, stumbling under the weight of a tall ladder. "Where should we put the next one?" Broik asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Forget it," Quark scowled. "Take 'em all down. Waste of time, anyway."</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A piece of art for this work <a href="https://quodd-o.tumblr.com/post/638064487387283456/enjoy-a-silly-ficlet-for-the-christmas-season-on">was posted on Tumblr here.</a></p><p>Follow me on my quodo-focused sideblog <a href="https://quodd-o.tumblr.com/">@quodd-o</a> or on main <a href="https://trekmemes.tumblr.com/">@trekmemes</a>.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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